Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dear Sisters

Dear Sisters,
Lets see if I can name, you girls
There was:
Martha Ann(miscarriage at 7 months)
Rita Joyce(born not breathing, CPR'd lived one hour)
Georgia Delores(Live 3 hours)
Judy Carlene(live 6 months, died from bad milk)
Sandra Faye (a twin to Becky, born not breathing, CPR'd, rushed to neonatal unit, at Parkland Hospital, lived 24 hours)

Well, girls' I just wish you had lived, but all of you died before getting a chance to live and know the world me and your other sister Becky, have known. It was a bad time, back during those years. The local doctor lived next door, but he wasn't much of a doctor. He did all he knew how to do, which wasn't good enough.
Then I guess you could blame the life Mom was living on part of the problems. I'm not trying to put Mom , down but she didn't do much but run wild for awhile. I was a product of the running wild. So, I was born illegitimately, with no father to look to, for guidance or love. I never got the chance to have Mom's love either, she gave me away, and went on with her wild life. I believe you girls, were also victims, of this ordeal, and you were the angels, that God saved and took back from the life you would have had to survive, under her rule.
Becky, was raised by Mom, but she made it somehow........I think it took growing up, to see what Mom, really was, that helped Becky pull out of the tyranny, she was exposed to. Either way, we finally have made a relationship, that was almost exorcised, by Mom. She didn't want us to have a sister relationship, and we weren't able to understand why? I believe she hated her Mom & Dad and used us as a means of hateful actions, to get back at them..............Me & Becky were the one's who suffered........although she had Becky conned for awhile. I've given them one more chance to include me in their lives, and if they take advantage of it, as in recent years, then they will be banned from my life forever. I've had enough abuse at their hands. So, I guess in a way, you girls, are privileged not to have lived in the world Mom, would have made for you girls. Yet, I would have liked to have known, you and tried to have had a sister relationship with you, Who knows, maybe you could have seen through Mom's cruel ways, and loved me for who I was.......... Your Sister!
Love to all of you,
Nita Kaye

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Dearest John Q A

Hello, My sweet wonderful friend,
I know you are in a better place, yet I wish you were still here. The cancer, was hard on you and I wouldn't want you to be sick, so I guess wishing you were here, would be selfish on my part. You were like a brother and a wonderful friend, to me and I'll never forget you. I know you wanted to be so much more, and for a time you were, but I wasn't able to give the love you would have needed from me, so I decided to not hold on to you so you could find someone who could give you your just dues in a relationship. Through the years we knew each other, we still remained close, and I was always welcome, when I would show up out of the blue to visit. A "big teddy bear" sort, you always gave of yourself and when you'd go down to our hang out and I wasn't there, you'd leave your calling card with one of the waitress's you could trust to give it to me. Your "Silver Dollar", let me know you had been there and was saying "hi".
I truly miss you and wish I could have given you more support during your time of sickness. Unfortunately, I had problems of my own and couldn't be there for you.
John, I hope to see you again, someday and I believe you were a really great man.
Love to you,
Nita



Dear Kate

Hello Kate,
I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but considering the circumstances, I'd think you'd be glad someone thought of you whether it be good or bad. Not many people are remembering you, these days, and you know why! They just don't have the time to care and they didn't get much concern from you when they did. You enjoyed being an informative thorn in just about every one's side.
I remember the days, you would stalk us, for fear you wouldn't get your just dues, in visits. Heck we were a young couple, trying to enjoy each other and life, not to mention struggling financially. Yet, you thought we had to be there every weekend, or you were on the phone, griping and moaning about how we needed to come see you, cause we might not be able to one of these days. Yeah, well there were other people in our world besides you, and we had things we liked to do on the weekends besides sit up under you. You never considered our feelings on anything, it always had to be your way.
Being so noise, you you practically pushed everyone away from you. Telling everyone how to live in their own home, and passing judgment's on their way of doing things, wasn't very nice either. You just couldn't leave people alone to live their on lives the way they wanted to. If they didn't succumb to your whims and suggestions, you'd send your other son, to reprimand them. They had to do it or else.
You would come over during the week to check on me and see if I was doing the right things, especially after my son was born. Most of the time, you wouldn't call, as if you were trying to catch me doing something wrong.
With your constant meddling you finally drove me away from my husband and your family, since he was so hen pecked by you that he couldn't stand up to you in favor of his own family. You did everything you could to undermine me to him and the rest of the people, we knew. I finally gave up and let you have your little boy back, which you suddenly decided, would be a burden to you. He never had a choice in anything that involved him, you put him in the line of fire, and financed it.......trying to give me what you thought I deserved. In your words, "you don't divorce a ########"! To which I answered, "oh yeah, just watch me"!
I got rid of all the turmoil I thought, but it had only just begun. I went through 5 years of child custody, fighting tooth and claw to keep my babies. In the end, I ran out of money, and your family and you won. You were relentless, even then......they say only the good die young........it must be true, you lived to be in your ninety's.
I will never be able to forget what you did to me and my children. They say you must forgive a person, to be able to be free of the horrible things you suffered, I will try, but it will be hard.
Sincerely
Kaye

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hello RL

Hello RL,
I'm not really into writing you but, I need to get this out of my system. I doubt the imprint you made on my life, will ever go away. I really wish it would, since most of it was bad. There's so much water under the bridge, and the bitterness, hate and rejection, I had while with you, overwhelmed our life. You used me as a means to an end, and left me no choice in the matter, if I stayed with you.
They say the person, that's going through the abuse, is just as sick as the one giving it. For many years, I was that sick person. You never, saw your wrong, until it jumped up and slapped you in the face. I was became, so bitter from the assaults, that I was eaten up with hate. You never let me have a minutes peace, and made sure you told me how no good I was and did it on a daily basis.
I wanted to love you, but you didn't want me to, either that or you didn't know how to love, except your kids.
Here in lay the problem.......Your Kids.........they never did anything wrong, no matter how many time you bailed them out of jail and gave them money for their habits. You chose to take their sides against me, and provoked assaults against me by them as well.
The only stable thing in your life, finally gave up and left. It wasn't long before your wonderful kids and street friends, had you so sick, that you never recovered. Two months after my leaving, you died. I will never be able to forget your body lying in that hospital room and how I just couldn't feel anything except hate, for all the things you allowed to happen to us, and now even you.
A big hole came into my life when you died, but I was able to finally accept it, and go on. Your kids, played the part to the hilt and tried to be martyrs, because you had gone off and left them, without anyone to help them. Yeah, right! They played on everyone they could, I stayed as far away from them as possible, to keep from being sucked in.
I'm glad I was able to do my part however feeble, it was during the funeral, and was glad to leave the horrible atmosphere, your family had created. I said my farewell to you and visited your grave, as often as possible for the 1st two years, the I slowly pulled away, to ease off the pain, it caused each time, I saw your grave and headstone.
One thing for sure, you don't have to put up with their crap anymore and they have to fend for themselves. Which I laugh at........sorry, that's just how they made me feel.
I'm sorry you died, but I glad your out of the mess.
Nita Kaye

Monday, June 23, 2008

Hello Lynn

Hello Lynn,
What a horrible way to find out you were gone. I went online to a website that finds, people and looked up your address and such. I found "Deceased" on the page, that listed date of birth and date of death. Needless to say, I felt a big loss, and a huge lump come in my throat. I thought, I'd maybe get to see you again, and have fun talking to you like we used to, and cut up with each other. I thought I'd get to see that handsome, tall man with the light brown hair, walk up with a smile on his face and give me that "big bear hug", he always gave. A thrill would always run down my spine when you'd take me in your arms and hold me. I never wanted to loose that feeling, but when you beat me so many times and left me with black eyes and bruises on my face and lumps on my head, then turn of our children and beat them too, I just had to give the "love of my life", up. I wish you had cared enough to be a father to your children, instead of letting them suffer, knowing their dad, didn't care whether, they were alive or dead. You lost a lot, not know your children.






Misty









Barney & Jessica
They look just like you......imagine that....
I would have done anything for you, and put myself in jeopardy, just to make things right for you and me. I loved you too much and you took advantage of it. I wish it could have been different with us and you could have been the man, I needed. Instead you never grew up and were selfish, with your ways of doing things. What an ego you had, you knew you could sweep women off their feet, with your "silver tongue" ways. You had a way of looking into a woman's eyes with and "I want you look", that would just melt them. I even saw an "I love you" look, that would erase any wrong you had done to me. You were something else, and yet I can never, forget the time we had together, and how wonderful it was to be your woman, when you weren't being mean to me and the kids. I hope you found a better place, and are doing great where you are.
Love,
Nita Kaye
P.S. Misty came into town this week. She's just a devious as you were, Barney's following right in her shoes........aren't you proud of yourself?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Your Are Invited..........

You are invited to send me your "letters to heaven", and I will post them, anonymously with a nickname or which ever name you wish to sign it with. Your identity will be protected. I will send you back the URL it's posted to, for your observation. As always, your invited to come back to this blog and read as often as you wish. Have a great and wonderful year.

Friday, June 20, 2008

If Your Listening.....

Hey God,
I just wondered how things are going, with this world we're living in? Isn't it about time you did something to stop all the problems, we're experiencing? I know you've got a lot on your hands, but it's just getting worse. I remember you saying in your word, that it would. I just wonder how far it has to go before you will intervene? It's really rough down here and getting to the point, we are scared to leave our homes. I'm looking for some help here, and would appreciate you making an effort towards our needs. I know you will meet whatever they are, but some of this stuff, is just outrageous. Please, put your hand on our nation and give us the strength to do the right things. In your name I ask........
Nita


Monday, June 16, 2008

A Bog Bang List

*Start Copy Here*You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

1. Copy from *Start Copy Here* through *End Copy Here*

2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post at each site you add.

3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the bigger the list will grow.

4. Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving me a comment HERE. I will add you to the master list. (If you would like a scroll box code, leave me your email address and I will email it to you.) Scroll Box Example. (I decided not to use the box for the Big Bang for ease of copying.)

5. Come back and copy the master list back to your site, often. This process will allow late-comers to get as much link benefit as the first ones in. Once you are on the master list people who have participated earlier will update their bookmarks and help everyone lower than them out on the list.

1-Attitude, the Ultimate Power 2-Juliana’s Site 3-Rusin Roundup 4-Grow Rich Along With Me 5-Comedy Plus 6-lynda’s loft 7-Amel’s Realm 8-MAX 9-Speedcat Hollydale 10-Mariuca 11-Complain Complain Complain 12-Mariuca’s Perfume Gallery 13-Life Is A Roller Coaster 14-Sugar Queen’s Dream 15-First Time Dad 16-Life 17-My Life 18-The Painted Veil 19-My Thoughts 20-DatCurious.com 21-Little Aussie Cynic 22-A Nice Place in the Sun 23-DatMoney.com 24-The Down Side OF Up 25-Ladyjava’s Lounge 26-Cat Tales 27-moms…..check nyo 28-Colorado Baby 29-It’s a Woman’s World 30-ENLIGHTENED BITS 31-My View of “It” 32-My Reviews and Finds Along the Way 33-Our Hep Chat 34-Rantings of a Woman 35-The Callalily Space 36-Mom Knows Everything 37-Hazel 38-Chronicles and Tales Unlimited (RED) 39-From the Mouth of Jabber Jaws 40-Sunny Side Up Foodie & Lifestyle 41-Carmel Corn 42-Daily Stock Picks 43-The Whole New World 44-Wifespeak 45-Slavery Bliss 46-Rooms of My Heart 47-Unpredictable Life 48-My Life, My World 49-At Your Service 50-All About Ebay 51-Everything Amazon 52-Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out 53-My So-Called Site 54-New Wife Blog 55-Tendre Poison 323 56-Nick’s Bytes 57-My Scratch Pad 58-Choc Mint Girl 59-Life Is Just Around the Corner… 60-Amori, poseia, art… virtuali by Hanna 61-Maryannaville 62-monaco - monaco’s 63-Nyumix’s Blog 64-read my mind - my keyboard monologues 65-Shower You Children With Love - The Right Way 66-Secret Agent Mama 67-Pinaymama’s Diary 68-Answers to the Questions 69-Work of the Poet 70-A Total Blog 71-My life, my hope, my future 72-NORTE 73-A Window to Our World 74-Life as a Mom 75-FIELD OF DREAMS 76-lisgold 77-See Me for What You 78-Caught in The Stream 79-Pinay Mommy Online - My Home 80-foster me up 81-CRUEL VIRGIN 82-Garden of Moments in Blog 83-So Cute 84-Love Everlasting 85-WeLcOmE To My CriB 86-WELCOM TO PINAYSMILE’S JOURNEY 87-Ice’s Icelog 88-Jenny’s Wandering Thoughts 89-Hobbies and Such 90-Sweet Paradise 91-Mommy’s Gibble Gabbles 92-Rusin Review’s 93-My Small World 94-Little Peanut 95-Online Ramblings 96-My Mood My Feeling 97-BLOG it with ALLEN 98-Entertainment World 99-Let’s Go Singapore 100-Firelynx 101-Catsy Carpe Diem 102-Every Beat Of My Heart 103-Always Da Fresh Princess 104-Listening.. 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Claiming This Blog with Technorati

I'm claiming this blog with Technorati, in hope it will become a great blog, with easy access, to the web traffic it will need to sustain itself. I am placing it in my Technorati Profile in order to get it listed, and maybe you can send me some of your letters, so I can publish them on my blog. Your identification, will be protected and you can us an alias, 1st or middle name or even a nickname, to sign your letter. I have it ope for you to submit your letters, to you lost loved one's.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Hello Up There



Hello up there to all my loved one's who've gone on.......
This is to the one's who knew my son, Barney and loved him, because he was part of the family. I want to show you the prettiest little thing that is in our family, and I want you to know, Jessica is so smart. She's Daddy's pride n joy, and will probably be the only child he ever has, since the woman, he's with now, can't have children. Anyway, I just wanted you to see how beautiful she is and know that so far, she's the last of my grandchildren. I saw her today for the 1st time in 2 years, cause her mom and day can't get along. Same old story you saw me go through. I just wanted to share her with you. I love you,
Kaye

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Dear Jan

Hello Jan,
You've been gone a couple of years, now and I think you probably, was totally worn out, from all the health problems. But, little girl, you had more problems, than that and I'm so glad that, you no longer have to deal with them. I know if you could, you would have stayed longer, to watch of the girls, and be as much strength to them as you could. I know how hard you tried to pull them back from the crap, they would get in. Yet, you must understand if you don't live a different life in front of them, you will reap what you so. They have really given this world a taste of the wild side, and so did you, for such a long time. You just had the ability to make money doing it. They do too except, they can't seem to get it right, with the law, and that's the difference. I know, that for many years, we were at odds with each other, and it took alot of water under the bridge, for us to become close. The phrase: "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies, closer", applied to us for a long time. :) , "they say only the good die young", I prefer to believe, "what goes around comes around".
I felt a loss, when you left, but am glad you no longer are sick. Farewell, and have fun flirting with the guys, you and I knew, that are there too.
Later,
Nita

Dear Goldie

Hello Goldie,
I know it's been a long time, since you even thought of me, and vice versa. I thought so many years ago, that you would become a great mother in law. How sad, that I was very wrong.
I never wanted it to be the way it was, but how it turned out, was beyond my control. I wish we had been closer, and you could have seen, how much I wanted to love you, like I did your son. His memories, will haunt me forever, as I try to rationalize, how it all came to a bitter end. Please, understand, that I loved Linn, with all my heart, and wanted to be with him forever. The brutal beatings, me and the children took, kept that from happening. To this very day, I still love the man, and wish it could have turned out wonderful.
Once again, you would have been such an asset to our relationship, had you been able to understand what was really going on, in comparison to what you were told.
I'm so sorry, to have lost you as a confidant, mom and friend.
Sincerely,
Kaye